I sat there, about as relaxed as anyone could be, letting my mind wander. I would not waste this day forcing my mind to focus only on the business of that day. No, instead, I would open the corral gate wide and allow the wild horses of my mind to kick, run, and whinny.
My first day dream was the beach. I could almost smell the ionized air coming off the sea. I could hear the waves rush in and drift back out in the leave of the trees. I could attribute the laughter of the young ones in my neighborhood to imaginations gone wild at the beach.
Uncontrolled, my mind skipped from thought to adventures gone by, to troubles and trials and on to victories and the wonder of life. Abruptly, my thoughts settled in on one experience, then it slowly compiled several such events. Soon my mind was crowded with events of the same nature and with them many ill feelings.
I was thinking about some of the tougher moments of my life. Clearly there was a group of moments that took first place regarding the damage they had done to me. I have lived through many ups and downs but this category troubled me deeply. It seemed that no matter how long ago such action was taken against me, I had never forgotten them.
There have been times that peoples actions were rude or hurtful but for some reason, I was able to forget them. There were times that people had interfered in what I was doing and caused an undesirable outcome.
The deepest of all moments were caused by words. It seems that the moments I was most damaged by were those moments people said things to hurt me, judge me, show me disrespect or to belittle me. As I thought about that, the actions of others who used such actions to accomplish the same result, seemed to be in the distant past. The actions seemed to have faded fast and left no mark except for a little irritation.
But those words were like hot branding irons leaving a mark that would seem to last forever. Once a word is said it can never be taken back. It is not reversible. On the other hand if in anger you damage a persons property you can repair or replace it. There is just no repairing a word said in anger or hate.
Some of the most careless use of words comes from family and those times sure leave a mark. It seems that family may feel that because they are family, they can let negative thoughts fly with little caution. Maybe people feel that can let all that pressure inside explode orally and then apologize later if need be. Maybe they think they can avoid any lasting damage by making such an apology.
I submit that the only way hard words will never leave damage is to not say them in the first place. We all have thoughts, critiques, and opinions about other people but just because we have them, it doesn't mean we need to run around telling people what we think.
If we are to love those close to us and love those we hardly know, one of the best ways we can do that is to exercise some restraint and just keep hurtful thoughts to ourselves. Why is it we just cannot stop from shooting off our mouth? Is it because the target of a particular verbal attack needs our crushing words? No, I don't think so. I think that it is more likely that we are so arrogant that we "think" another person just needs to hear our opinion. Maybe we are so arrogant that we thing our opinion will make them a better person. Some of that may be true but it will never be true if our words are cutting, demeaning, or hurtful.
God gave us a mouth. We use that mouth to glorify Him and to tell Him how much we love Him. Then do we turn right around and use that same mouth to cut down another person? Do we use that same mouth to talk behind another person's back?
We can use our words to lift people up, encourage them, comfort them and guide them. Or, we can use words to wreck someone's day, hurt them, destroy another person's self esteem or worse.
Reflecting on the things that left the biggest mark, those times were easily hurtful words spoken about me by another person.
Perhaps this is a good time to do a little self evaluation about how we use our tongue. Do we use our words to honor others in a loving way? Do our words leave those around us feeling valued and important? How did God intend us to use our tongue when He gave us the ability to speak?
Ponder these scriptures:
Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupt talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear."
Proverbs 12:18 "There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
James 1:26 "If anyone thinks he is religious and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this person's religion is useless."
Proverbs 15:4 "A gentle tongue is a tree of life, but perverseness in it breaks the spirit."
Matthew 15:11 "It is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but what comes out of the mouth; this defiles a person."
James 3:4-6 "Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires. So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our life, and is set on fire by hell."
It just struck me that if I utter any words that damage another person, if I use my words to leave a mark on another person's spirit, NO MATTER how right or justified I may feel I am, I am not living a life that loves others.
Reflecting on those that used words to hurt me caused me to ponder my own actions and realize I am sure I have left hurtful words ringing in another person's mind.
So what do I do? I need to control my tongue as if it were a rudder. I need to be aware of what I am saying and what tones I am using. I need to understand that, as words have hurt me, my words can easily hurt another. I need to exercise self control. I need to not let my emotions feed my tongue. Simply, I need to be aware of what is coming out of my mouth.
What needs to come out of my mouth is loving and uplifting. I need to use the gift of speech to speak life, hope and joy into other's lives.