When I was a kid, I remember how special the days were that I got gifts. Such days came with great excitement and anticipation. The packages for a birthday and Christmas would pile high, each wrapped in various size boxes and covered with paper that kept the contents a mystery. I remember having no idea what the contents might be but was eager to find out. I knew the things I really, really,wanted and hoped for the best. Sometimes I knew what I thought I wanted and sometimes I was right but other times I got something much better than I have ever dreamed of.
I also remember when I grew older and had a family of my own. I had the joy of shopping for the perfect gift for the perfect child. I would contemplate each recipients personality and interests while I patiently viewed shelves and shelves of gifts. Being the giver of a gift, I waited with nearly as much excitement as the receiver, waiting for the magical moment the contents of my cleverly wrapped package would be revealed. I chose what I thought was the best gift possible and hoped the person I bought it for would be excited to get it. Knowing the person deeply enough to select such a gift gave me confidence and joy while I waited for them to open the package. Sometimes knowing the person in such a way, I have been able to give them something better than they asked for.
It seems the need to know someone well enough to find the perfect gift has changed. It seems today, people run through the store with lists of stuff. It seems today, you don't have to really know the person you are shopping for because anyone can fill a gift order for anyone. The surprise and anticipation has been lessened and the recipient gets a pile of things they would have bought for themselves during any given shopping day.
My morning prayer time with God has spanned decades. He took me through a time we would talk for two and a half hours every morning. That went on for years and then He led me to another type of prayer time, then another. I have been journaling for decades as well. I have filled notebooks with lots of people and things I had on my heart and some He placed there. I have been quite comfortable with all of that and feel God strongly during our time together.
I was praying the other day and the thought about the lists came to mind. I began to wonder and realized I may have been unconsciously viewing God as little more than a gift giver. Daily, I presented Him with a list of things I wanted and maybe thought I needed without regard for what He wanted to give. I laid out a list of things I may have thought were the best for me, while all the time, He may have something better in store for me. He may have plans for my life that I would never imagine, yet, I persistently prayed for what I conjured up in my own limited wisdom.
That morning was one of those pivotal morning when He awakened me to a new style of prayer time with Him. I still pray for the needs of my family, others, the church and so on. The thing that changed was my prayers for me. It is so exciting to not present a list to the gift giver and simply trust He knows me well and surely has better things for me than I can plan for myself. I folded the filled up prayer page and looked at the clean sheet of white paper before me and began to write. I am not saying this is the world's greatest prayer but below is what the Spirit led me to write and this prayer has now become my daily prayer for my life, at least until He redirects me again.
What a wonderful day to bask in the glory of your creation oh God. Praise be your name!
Father, your ways are higher than my ways and your thoughts are higher than my thoughts. After years of begging and pleading for this or that, after pages and pages of requests and petitions, I surrender all my plans, ideas, hopes and dreams along with all my struggles, illnesses and difficulties to You.
I ask for nothing except to live today, in and for today and live today with ruthless trust loving you and those around me, knowing I am secure in your arms no matter what is going on around me. I live today in the here and now with no regrets of the past nor no worries about the future for today is a glorious day that you have made. Praise be to you oh God, my Father. Amen.
The thing that makes abandoning the idea of giving Him a daily list is trusting Him to give you what He knows is the best for you. Trust and faith work arm in arm to give us the confidence we need to realize all with be okay when we leave the selection of how our needs will be met up to the Gift Giver. When we make our own lists, our faith and trust is in ourselves rather than God the Almighty who created the heavens and the earth, where we get just a tiny glimpse of who He is and what He can do.
In that prayer I spoke of ruthless trust which came from reading the book titled, "Ruthless Trust" by Brennan Manning. It was given to me a couple years ago but I just finished it last week. God's timing of books always amazes me. He wanted me to understand trust in a deeper way. He touched my friend Julie's heart and she bought it for me. I began reading it but for some reason set it aside. When the time was right, He prompted me to read it. This time, I was ready to receive what I was about to get from the book. If you asked me if I trusted God, I would tell you I have for years and years to varying degrees. However, having ruthless trust in an entirely different thing.
I believe I need to let the One who knows me better than anyone select the things that are best for me. He knows me better than I know myself. I also know trusting Him with ruthless trust will give me a better life than I can begin to dream of.
I feel a lifting of the pressure to build and plan my life. I feel I don't need to ask God to back up my choices but rather let Him make those choices for me. Life is so much more pleasant to relax and wait for the amazing things the Gift Giver has in store for me. True, He may have cleverly wrapped them is packages that don't seem to make sense but I am confident when life unwraps them, the most glorious, wonderful things will be revealed.