We stayed in contact with her brother while we drove and were told to go to mom's house and get some sleep, dad would be fine through the night. We were glad that things timed out that way because when we got there, we were exhausted.
Up early Saturday morning, a quick cup coffee and my wife, one of her brothers, her mom and I were off to the hospice center. My wife's father, Elmer looked tired but not too bad. His mood was good and our hopes for his improvement climbed. As time passed another brother came in, then the other brother and his wife. We all sat and stood in the room talking to Elmer and gathered information from the wonderful hospice nurses . All reminisced over old times and caught up on one another's lives as the four siblings had come from four different states. A grandson and his wife joined us, then his sister and her boyfriend, then the other brother/grandson and his fiancée came in. As long as I have known Elmer, somewhere around 28 years, he has always loved a good party. As I stepped back and watched everyone talking, I felt the joy and love everyone had for each other, it seemed like just another party thrown by Elmer. It was beautiful to watch.
As the dusk of evening poured through the window and filled the room, Elmer got more and more tired and needed something that would relax his heavily labored breathing. At 8pm we realized we needed to let him rest and all offered him wishes for a good night, hoping for him to be stronger tomorrow. Back to the house we went, tired but with a sense of peace, optimism and the joy that comes from reconnecting with family not seen in many months.
The first time I met Elmer and the family I immediately felt accepted as part of the family. He was over 6 feet tall and a pretty big man, not in an overweight way , but strong looking. He laughed often, loved a good joke and enjoyed family more than most people seem to. It was so sad to see him sitting in a bed because he was always so active and spirited. I sat and reflected on who he was and what I had seen in him all those years. The very first thing that came to my mind was that I realized in all the years I knew him, I never heard him say a bad word about anyone. If a group of people were talking ill of another, he would either sit quietly or leave the room. He never, ever joined in. He was well known for the corniest jokes ever told, falling asleep on the couch at a moments notice and being extremely giving and kind. If anyone did the smallest of things for him, like change a light bulb, he would act like you invented the light bulb itself. He would be so thankful and brag to anyone who would listen about the great thing you did. He was never short on gratitude. Not to mention that he was always so happy to see you as if he hadn't seen you in twenty years.
So many of us spend our lives gathering and growing our personal kingdoms but that was not Elmer. As much time as most spend trying to accumulate, Elmer spent more giving it all away. He was a gentle, giving, loving man. He gave his time, resources, money, laughter and heart away at every opportunity.
Elmer served in the Air Force during World War II, served countless years in the American Legion, gave to his church and sang during services regularly. He would sing at cemeteries during graveside services, and gave to several charities. For years he and his wife would go to the "old folks home" as they call it and offer a Sunday service of singing and cheer. Another of Elmer's passions was swimming. By no stretch of the imagination, the man was a fish. Reflecting on Elmer, I realized that if more people today would emulate Elmer's character, the world would certainly be a better place.
At one point in time he took on a very well known pro football player with the Chicago Bears and taught him his insurance business. The team's coach had a policy that all his players must learn a second occupation in case their football career didn't work out or they would get injured. He gave his time and skill to teach this, then, young man his craft. This player did last in the sport, moved on to become a head coach and is a household word. It all worked out well for him, yet Elmer, quietly in the background of this man's life, provided him with a backup career.
I could go on and on and now, even a day after returning from Chicago, thoughts of the goodness, kindness and gentleness that is Elmer still crowds my mind. I could go on and on about the positive example he set.
So back to where I left off. After the good time with Elmer that Saturday night, we went to sleep optimistic about our Sunday visit to hospice.
Now early Sunday morning, we woke to find my wife's mom busily getting ready to run to visit Elmer. We dressed and hurried out the door. Into the great hospital and up to the hospice floor. Out of the elevator, a right hand turn, another right hand turn and then a left into Elmer's room. My wife, her mom and I were excited to see how refreshed he would be after his night's sleep. What we saw was beloved Elmer struggling to breath. Each and every breath was a battle. It did not seem he had any idea we were there. We knew he could hear us, but his battle for breath took every ounce of his attention. His eyes were clouded and he fought so hard. It was 8:30am.
We got the nurse who gave him something to relax him and changed from a full oxygen mask to a nose one so he would be more comfortable. We called the brothers and within a few minutes two came in and shortly after the third with his wife. Elmer began to relax, still showing no signs of being able to communicate in word or action. Soon his granddaughter and her boyfriend came in and while last night we enjoyed a room filled with joy, this day the room was filled with concern and very little conversation. As he strained and fought for each breath our hearts sank. Last night the family shared laughs and memories but this bright sunny morning all that was shared were quiet tears and heavy sighs.
We prayed for peace, comfort and no pain for Elmer, for Dad. Four hours later, he took his last breath and instantly was with our Lord in the place where there would never again be any pain or suffering for Elmer. He was born into a new life, an eternal life in a new home that even our greatest imagination could never begin to dream.
Our hearts ached, our eyes poured tears, we missed him already. We missed his jokes, laughs, smiles, hugs and love. Somehow though, the love he had given each and every one of us throughout his entire life would always remain deep within us. His passing would never remove or erase the love he poured on us. He spent his life drowning us with his love to the point that it's effect would never, ever leave us. We had been blessed by Elmer in ways that neither his passing nor the troubles of our future could ever displace.
During the rest of that day and the next, hundreds of people shared how Elmer had touched their lives. Social media has been ablaze with memorials, poems and feelings of loss at his passing. Hundreds of people share in our family's loss for he touched everyone that had the blessing of crossing his path. He was a man who spent his life blessing others. He was a man who lived his life to the fullest and gave every bit of it away. I know in my heart of hearts that there is a giant hole where this man named Elmer once stood. It is a hole that time and life will never fill.
Very few people in life leave such an impact on you. Realizing that the world is now short one such a man, I feel it is my duty to pick up his standard and carry on with his love and caring for those around me. I hope that some of you may feel the same way and join me as well. The world needs more Elmer's. The world needs more men and women who make such a difference.
Elmer lived his entire life with his one love, Eileen. She was his forever love and friend for over 65 years. Please mention her in your prayers for as you can imagine she feels his absence greatly. Likewise his absence is felt by their oldest son Chris, then daughter Connie, then Rob, then last Gerry. Would you please keep them in your prayers, as well. Think of their grandchildren who will miss him and all their great grandchildren still too young to have known him but who will surely hear stories of him.
We talk every week of love and this is the kind of love we speak of. The love Elmer had for everyone around him. He gave that love a little here and a little there. Spread that love over his 86 years and you have people all over the United States and Canada that are feeling the loss of this man even as I write this. A little love consistently given over a lifetime can and did do amazing things.
Elmer lived a full and exciting life. While doing so, the life he lived was simple and modest. His home is not one that would catch your eye as you drive by. His clothes and jewelry are not of the sort that would blind you in the bright sun. His garage is not full of expensive cars and toys. He has no off shore bank accounts nor rental properties. Having said all of that, and having considered those I know who do have such things, Elmer Mears is by far the richest man I have ever known. Because of his life and his passing I will never be the same. Because of his love for all there are big shoes to fill. Because of his love there are hearts that are hurting, hearts once touched by a great man named Elmer.
Elmer, you are missed deeply and will never be forgotten.