We wrestle and struggle with losing that person we love so much. We get frustrated and even angry that such events must play out as it is the natural order of life. When they move on we are left with a hole in our world that was held by that certain laugh or smile, a certain companionship and love that only that one special person could fill.
Rightly so we mourn the loss, we know no matter how much we adjust, life will forever be not quite the same. Even though we rejoice for those who have walked the path of their life to the reward of a new life beyond what we can comprehend, we still feel the pain of their absence.
It is at these times we consider the deeper value of life. We find a deeper value in family, friends, children and soul mates. At these times, we have no problem walking away from businesses or jobs or hobbies to spend those last moments with that person we will not see again until we also make that journey from this life. For a moment, such tragedy confronts us with thoughts about how valuable people and relationships really are. We ponder how we may have put more value in material things than putting value in the things of love, laughter and people.
Being so close to so many passing recently has given me great cause to realign values and priorities. These times have caused me to reflect and ponder many things over the past several months.
One thing that has stuck out in my mind was to not live a life of "if only." If only I had visited my out of town family more often. If only I had spent more time with my aging grandparent. If only I had not been selfish with my time but had given it away in love. If only I had dropped my prejudices and judgmental attitudes. If only I had slowed down and helped that lady load groceries into her car. If only I had helped my neighbor get his new refrigerator into his house. If only I had gone to church more and spent time with my church family. If only I had read the Bible more to know more about my God with whom I will spend eternity.
"If only," two very powerful words. Two words that are so powerful and so costly to eliminate that we often resign ourselves to allowing them to be part of our life - if we are not careful.
As I imagine I have mentioned at some time, I used to be a competitive body builder and personal trainer so you can imagine that talks of diet still come up often. Conversations about such things often take the course of a person not allowing themselves to have an awesome Boston Kreme doughnut from Dunkin' Donuts (another topic I am sure I have mentioned before). I would be willing to bet that as any of us take our last breath we surely would not regret eating too many calories or having that second piece of cheesecake.
I can imagine, that in my last moments, I may wonder why I didn't eat more donuts. In fact, it is possible that I might cry our for just one more Boston Kreme. I can imagine wanting to take one more bite out of the sweetness of life.
Let's be honest. In our last moments, I can't imagine any of us being depressed about not working more overtime, not getting the more loaded model of that car we bought, or not weeping over not having that extra 1,000 square feet of home we strived for.
Now might be a good time to imagine us in those final days of life and ask ourselves, If I passed on in the next few days, what would I regret? What would I want to have done differently? What would my "if only" list look like?
If I have you on the same page with me, instead of making a bucket list of adventures you want to do before you have burned your life's allotment of calories and you breathe your last breath , make an "if only" list, AND DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.
Attack that list with as much vigor and excitement as Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman did in the movie, The Bucket List. Can you imagine starting today to cross things off your "if only" list and being able to set a fully crossed out list on your nightstand as you take your last breath? Wow! No "if onlys" left, no regrets.
You may look over that list one final time and see crossed out; Forgive my ex-spouse, love my sister with whom I have been angry for years, ask my mom to forgive me for being mean to her that one time, give $176.66 I owed a customer that has I have not felt right about for the last 8 years, apologize to my friend for gossiping about her, correct a story I told a friend that wasn't quite true, give back that power saw I borrowed from Bob and told him I couldn't find.
Maybe because we have made an effort to consider our "if only" list right now, what we won't even see on that list are such things as, "if only" I had; told my wife I loved her more often, been generous with my mother who was living on a very small fixed income, let more people out in traffic, helped the guy next store who could not do some things for himself, honestly congratulated my co-worker for getting the job I wanted, taken a vacation day to go to the hospital with a friend who was afraid of a test they were getting done, and last on this list but not the last at all, given the guy on the corner $20 without speculating what he/she might do with it. Maybe one more, "if only" I had one more Boston Kreme.
I do not want my last moments to be played out in my life's movie called "The If Only List". We all know movies are made with a variety of endings, some that end up on the production room floor. Picture with me one of my potential closing scenes that I hope ends up on the floor.
The camera passes through the doorway into my room. I lay in my bed and the lights grow dim making the items surrounding my bed fade. I am clearly seen holding a piece of yellow, lined paper in my hand. I am reviewing what is written on the paper. The camera moves around the room to the side of my bed, next to my head. The shot zooms in on the paper and you see what I see, it is a list. The list is titled "If Only". The camera moves slowly down the list, one line at a time. It pauses long enough for the viewer to read each line of "If Onlies" and long enough to see the line crossed out. The marks crossing out each item seem almost to have been done with a certain excitement and relief.
You hear a change in my heart beat, my arm falls to my side and I breath one last peaceful breath. My hand relaxes and the piece of paper floats back and forth in the air along side my bed. It slowly comes to rest on the floor, face up. The camera focuses on the paper and continues the journey line by line down the list to the last entry. There you see my final "if only" and it is not crossed out. A nurse enters the room, notices the paper, picks it up and glances over it. She sets it on my nightstand and says, "If only he had a little more time".
Proverbs 27:1 Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring.
Don't be afraid to take a bite out of the sweetness of life and don't be afraid to shift your life's priorities and values so that you leave nothing on your "if only" list.
Let love be the "No Regrets Roadmap" of your life. Love somebosdy. Love everybody.