I so love the way Mr. Gordon writes that I would enjoy typing the entire chapter for you, instead, I will control myself and give you the background to what I want to share. Mr. Gordon lived from 1912-2002, in Georgia. In this chapter he talks of his mother moving out of what had been the family home for five or six generations. In that house there were as many generations of things left behind. While he searched through those things, he happened upon letters from generations past. Some were even of the times of the Civil War. What he writes is as follows;
"The people in those generations cared about one another, enormously and intimately. And they said so, with an emphasis that was perhaps naive but was also deeply impressive. In a hundred different ways, they spoke of their love and admiration for one another, and you could feel their sincerity warm on the brittle paper:
You don't know how much your visit meant to each of us! When you left, I felt as if the sun had stopped shining.
The courage with which you are facing your difficulties is an inspiration to all of us. We haven't the slightest doubt that in the end you will triumph over all of them.
Have I told you lately what a wonderful person you are? Never forget how much your friends and family love and admire you.
How wonderful you are! That was the steady refrain, and it made me stop and think. In each of these people, no doubt, there had been much that could have been criticized. But when you remember the times they had lived through - the war that had ended for them in poverty and bitterness and defeat, the terrifying epidemics of yellow fever - it was impossible to escape the conclusion that the writers of these letters were stronger than we are-that they faced greater tests with greater fortitude. And where did they get that strength? The answer lay in my dusty hands. They got it from one another:
Never forget how much you are loved and admired.
There it was: the faith, the encouragement, these strands of reassurance woven into a powerful network of mutual support. Nobody had to face anything without allies whose loyalty was beyond question. Nobody was ever alone.
Such loyalty and affection were implicit in my own family and relationships, I knew they were seldom expressed, and certainly not in such a forthright way. Somewhere along the line, my generation had put a checkrein on the release of such emotions. To give utterance to them had become corny, somehow faintly foolish. It was out of fashion; it just wasn't done. I don't pretend to know what brought this change about, but I do know this: it seriously interferes with one of the deepest of all human needs- the desire for acceptance and approval by other people."
I love Mr. Gordon's insight and the way he caresses his thoughts onto the paper. So can we see the truth in his writing? We all have a deep desire to be accepted and find approval from others. It touches our self esteem and self worth in powerful ways.
In a meeting I had with a pastor friend of mine, I discovered I find it easier to love other people than to love myself. In fact, loving myself is quite a challenge. We talked about the verses we ponder so often, Matthew 22:37-40 (NAS).
(Jesus said) "You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments depend the whole Law and Prophets".
I considered how often I was told that I was loved and valued. For example, I knew my dad loved me. I knew it every time we wrestled or he punched my shoulder. I knew it every time he helped me fix my first car. I knew it every time, as a little kid, I snuggled up behind his knees on the couch and took a nap. But as I looked back I cannot remember but only once that he told me he loved me in actual words. I may be wrong, but that is my recollection. Thinking on that meeting with my pastor friend, I realized that one thing remains true, knowing you are loved and hearing you are loved are two completely different things. I would say that we can love the Lord with all our heart, soul and mind but telling him would have a very different impact than simply knowing we do. Likewise knowing we love someone and telling them is two very different things as well. Don't we find it easy to agree that we need to be told we are loved AND we need to speak our love?
Can we believe that our husbands, wives, kids, friends and family may know we love them but would cherish hearing it? Expressing our love blesses the receiver as well as the one who speaks it.
My pastor friend woke me to a way of looking at that scripture that had eluded me in the past, "love your neighbor as yourself". I was loving my neighbor well but not loving myself well. If I loved my neighbor as poorly as I loved me - yikes, that wouldn't be very good. If I was to think of loving myself as much as I loved my neighbor, then I have work to do.
He seemed to feel that the lack of my loving me came from the little I heard the spoken word of love from my dad. When he said that, it struck a note with me that made sense.
So I encourage you to tell those you love that you love them. It will leave an imprint on you both. I encourage you to speak words of appreciation, how much another inspires you, and share how much they mean to you. Let them feel your sincerity on a note card, greeting card, in a phone call or conversation. If you have been lacking in expressing your love and admiration for another, stop right now and make the effort.
Love somebody. Love everybody. AND never forget how much you are loved and admired. AND "Never forget, "How Wonderful You Are!"
Go ahead, be corny. It just may not be done now days, it may be out of fashion but fashion is a fickle foe. Fashions come and go but there is little ever new. New fashions are so often nothing more than resurrected old fashions. Let's give effort to creating a new fashion by giving life to an old one. Yes, How Wonderful You Are!