I grew up in a mainstream religion and thought I was a pretty good guy. I believed I had a good relationship with God but the truth is that it was only a marginal relationship. I based the elevated view of that relationship on little experience and even less knowledge and study of the Word. I did pretty much what I wanted, did my obligatory church thing and felt pretty good about it. I never, ever, considered consulting God regarding my plans, let alone wondered if I pleased Him.
Twenty-one years ago I went to a men's conference that changed who I was in a huge way. I did not become an amazing new creature overnight but did start in a process to change. God instilled the ability to hear that still small voice with which He approaches us. He never grabbed me by the collar and shook me, He never hit me with a 2x4, and He never thundered and showed himself to me in a burning bush.
The path was hard then and is still hard now. It seems that ever since I committed myself to Him, life got tougher than usual. For the past twenty-one years it seems as if almost everything I have asked God for was either rejected or responded to with the exact opposite of my request. We got into financial trouble with a business I had, so I began praying many times a day for a job, any job that would help us not lose the house. Request denied! After being in the house for sixteen years, we escaped a sheriff sale by selling the house for nearly what we paid for it. We were trying to do the right thing, we wanted to pay what we owed but no job came my way. Over these past years, we have surrendered most things we once owned. We have one car, rent a home, and have no savings to speak of. I have applied for job after job and been told I was exactly what they were looking for. One after another, those apparent opportunities have vanished. One of my potential bosses got fired, several ended up going into a hiring freeze, some never returned phone calls or emails, and one place even had a big fire. I watched as many of my friends saw their dreams come true with the perfect job in the perfect place. I heard of banner income years for others, while my income dropped below where I had been not long after graduating high school.
Life could not be much lonelier, depressing or sad. Every hope and dream I prayed for had gone undelivered and I often asked, "God, whose side are you on?" It seemed He certainly was not on my side. I have been so defeated that I am timid about dreaming and hoping for things to change. Why not me? Why everyone else? What have I done or not done? Yet I dare to continue to dream and hope. Somewhere deep inside me, God had planted a seed of survival, a seed of trust in Him that seemingly will never let me quit. They say that if you continue to do the same things expecting different results, then you are a fool. I guess I am a fool because I keep going to God with my prayers and petitions while I expectantly look for His movement.
During all this time, it seems my body has made a decision to keep me in pain daily. I have been to doctor after doctor and have been told that they cannot find anything. The pain moves from spot to spot and annoys me like crazy. Again, I hope and pray for it to leave. Again, with no response.
We can sit and look for issues in life that are wrong, we can evaluate my mental state, and we can attribute all types of diagnoses that could explain all my difficulties to me in some way. I simply wait patiently for God to reveal what He is doing. I trust He is in control and that He misses nothing under His loving and watchful eye.
I am sure there are some of you who have or are experiencing a similar way of life. I am sure there are some of you who wonder whose side God is on. Life can be tough and confusing. There is hope and there are things that happen in all of this stuff.
Let me say that being a Christian is not for wimps! Since I came to a right place with God, life has basically stunk, in a worldly sense. I own nothing and I have had to sell or give up all of the things I was proud of. I have had to become dependent on God because He is all that is left. Nothing I have tried to do to "fix" my life has worked. I had to just give up. The more I gave up, the more I surrendered, the less I screamed and yelled, the more He showed Himself.
It was no easy process and I still wrestle with Him about all the cool and pretty things I really, really want. He is great to me though because He has yet to give in to all my foolish requests. He is not giving me all the junk I crave. He is spending His energy and love making me into something newer and something better. I was a competitive bodybuilder years ago. The training and the change was rigorous, time consuming and sometimes painful. The result was wonderful and well worth the suffering. As life is unfolding before me now, I see that there is wonder ahead. I am amazed at what I believe He is doing in my life and I can't wait to get there and proclaim what He has done.
To do that, I cannot quit, I cannot give up, I must endure. No matter the strain, the broken dreams, the loss, and no matter how many tears, we cannot quit. God is faithfully at work in our lives bringing us to a place beyond what we had chosen for ourselves years ago. The dreams of what we wanted and of what we wanted to be are small in comparison to what He has in store for us. All of what He is doing has not unfolded yet, but He has been kind enough to give me glimpses.
There is an awesome movie called "Soul Surfer", the true story of Bethany Hamilton. If you have not seen it, you need to. I guarantee it will inspire you. It is about a young lady who is a competitive surfer. Because of her skills and accomplishments in surfing, she is seeing opportunities unfold before her. While training for a competition that will launch her into magazines and headlines, a shark bites her arm off.
Can you begin to imagine the struggle? Can you imagine watching what you absolutely know was your life and dream being taken away? Do you think Bethany can relate to where some of us are today? I imagine she has dealt with as much or maybe lots more than we have. She is an amazing woman who inspires me. I would love to meet her one day just to say how much she has meant to me. Bethany does not give up and is determined to learn to compete with one arm. She works hard and after coming close to finding it an undoable task, she finds power in the Word. The passage is Philippians 4:13 NLT "For I can do everything through Christ who gives me strength". In fact I suggest you read Chapter 4:1-13 often. Bethany does go on to compete. In her desire to never give up and in her claiming of that scripture she perseveres and touches thousands and thousands of people.
At the end of a competition, the crowd is all around her shouting questions and wanting to talk to her and she stops to talk. While this is not a direct quote it is the basis of the interaction. One of the reporters asked her if she were to look back, would she regret that moment when she lost her arm. Bethany's answer blew me away. She responded with, "no," followed by something like, "I have been able to embrace more people with one arm that I ever was able to before." God held Bethany and loved Bethany through a horrible, life changing time and uses her to touch and love other people. God loves her and uses her to encourage and reach out offering hope. She offers others the same hope God gave her during her struggle.
Way, way back in 1984, I ran the Honolulu Marathon. I will never forget when I was sitting in the park and they were doing the same course for people who were physically challenged. It had become late and most of the people had left. The race was, for all intents and purposes, over. As I sat and listened, there was still one man on the course. This man was in a wheelchair. He had come to Heartbreak Hill and they were describing what they saw as he tried to make that climb in his wheel chair. I had run that course, I had run that hill and I knew how it hurt and how long and painful it was. I knew how lonely it was on that hill even though I had lots of people around. I cannot begin to imagine how lonely it was for that man. Because of his injuries and because of being in that wheel chair, that man had to traverse the hill. If I remember correctly, the hill is a mile long. He had to go left as far as he could, spin and go back right over and over again. My heart pounded with every word of the announcer. I was on my feet sprinting to the finish line as the announcer told us he had crested the hill and was on his way down into the park and the finish line. I watched in amazement as he rolled closer and closer. I stood there in the dark with a few people who had stayed behind. He crossed the finish line and I stood right in front of him. I wanted to tell him that he was the greatest athlete I had ever seen. The words would not come out. I could not catch my breath no matter how hard I tried. He was an amazing athlete. The time didn't matter, his place didn't matter, and none of the things we count as winning mattered. What mattered was his heart and he had the biggest heart of anyone I have ever seen. I stood in front of him wanting to tell him how great he was in my eyes and all I could do was weep. I sobbed and sobbed for this man was a hero by any and all standards.
That man, Bethany Hamilton and people like them have experienced more devastating times than most of us. Their message is to never give up. Remember you can do all things through Christ who gives you strength.
You may be thinking this is an odd blog for a loving blog and it might seem so. However, here is my point. No matter what you are dealing with, no matter how hard it is watching dreams get destroyed, no matter how many times you have to traverse the hills of life, God loves you! He will turn your struggle into something great and good. I expect it may even amaze you.
I was encouraged to write this because I know what it feels like to see dreams vanish and I know what it feels like to have 5 surgeries in three years. I know what it feels like to have to give up your home, your toys, and things of value. I know there are tons of you who have experienced way more than I have. That being said, I write this because, in God, I love you all too. You are not alone. He is with you every moment, even the moments when you think he has gone to France on vacation, He is right there with you. Trust in Him, be patient, be hopeful and be watchful. God is good, God is faithful, and God is ever present. God loves you. Don't quit. Don't give up.
For a little extra go to You Tube and listen to "By Your Side" by Tenth Avenue North or click on the link below which will take you directly to it.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdjRmM0Q0qs&feature=related