Two weeks ago his son was struck unnecessarily by a truck and went to intensive care. I have known the family for many years and I remember this son, now in his thirties, when he was a little lad. When he told me of his condition, I was physically ill. I have had loss in my family and among casual friends but this time I was rocked. I was nervous and upset the entire day leading up to the hospital visit. I paced and tried to process his family's struggle. We know each other well and for the most part, we know each other as strong people. I was not feeling strong in this moment at all. I knew I had to put my feelings aside and be there to offer support, yet I was unsure I would be able to pull it off. I know their struggle was not about me, but it shook me deeply and the depth of those feelings were beyond what I ever imagined. It was about them, yet somehow, I was in it with them. Somehow, there was a part of it that was as if I was drawn into their pain in a more real way than I thought I could be.
I have visited many people in the hospital but I did not expect a visit like this. When we walked in, my friend and I hugged and he rested his head on my shoulder and sobbed. Here we were, two guys who experienced each other in our strength of life, lost in emotion. The fact that my friend was able to let his feelings fly and weep on my shoulder has changed me forever. I truly will never be the same.
Again this is not meant to be about me but I am wanting to share how, for maybe the very first time, I was walking along side a friend while feeling the weight of his burden. I hurt because he hurt, I cried because he cried, I felt desperate because he felt desperate, I hoped because he hoped. I was in a place hard to describe.
I realize I can never feel the pain he and his family had and are feeling, but I felt a lot more than I imagined. His son did not survive which is not fair in any way. It is horrible, it is heartbreaking, it is not understandable, it is all the things that go through our minds when we encounter life's most difficult times.
I saw the loss in their eyes, the hurt, the despair and the confusion. I felt what they felt, surely to a much lesser degree. I was sick the entire time from the hospital visit to the funeral. I was crushed to see my friends in such pain and despair. It hurt me to see them hurt. I was depressed and sad still. I hate that this happened to them and to their son. I had no words of wisdom, I had no relief to offer, I could not change the situation although I wanted to. I prayed and prayed and wept for my friends. There was nothing I could do but walk that path with them standing there wordless. My heart broke for their broken heart.
These horrible things of life hit so very hard and recently going through such a time with my friends, I don't know how anyone gets through it or survives it without Christ. There was nothing to hang onto other than Christ and the love we know He has for us. The only strength I could gather came from Him. The only hope of healing comes from Him.
I understand in a more profound way what is meant by carrying another's burden. Before this time, I would have said that I had done it many times. In truth, this is the first time I really felt like I had. This is a wonderful family, a family that I love and have loved for many years. I wish that they had never experienced any of this. I hurt for the person who struck him and cannot begin to understand how they must be feeling.
The point I want to make in all of this is that Scripture tells us of a Savior who carried our burdens. I believe that He regularly feels what I recently felt. I believe with all my heart that when we hurt He hurts, when we feel despair He feels our despair, when we encounter loss, He feels our loss. He is in it with us, He feels it with us, He cries with us and mourns with us. As good as a friend as I wanted to be for my friend - I could never come close to being the friend that Jesus was and is to them in all of this. He is there every minute carrying their burden. He comforts them when their emotions become unbearable. He is there every time they cry out "why?" He is there in the early morning hours when all they could do is weep and He weeps with them.
I now believe such moments are the most treasured moments in life. The moments where we can walk along side a friend who is devastated while not having a single word to offer. A moment to just to have them cry on your shoulder, although I wish I had more to offer, it is the best I have.
When we have an opportunity to walk beside a friend who is struggling it is a way to say, "I love you". When the Lord walks beside us in our struggles, He is saying He loves you. We all know life is hard, and seemingly getting harder. Show your love for one another and walk those hard, unbearable times with them. We all need to have people close when life deals it's worst blows, be that support, carry their burden, walk that path with them for that is Christ's example.
I wrestled with writing this because I didn't want it to come off wrong. This is not about me. On the surface it may sound like that but it is not what I intend. My intent is for us to understand how much the Lord hurts when we hurt. We can trust that no matter the struggle, He is in it with us, and that we are never alone. My intent is to encourage us to run to our friends when they are crushed and just walk it with them, love them and care for them.
A couple weeks ago, I might have said I understood all this but I understand it now in a way that I cannot put on paper. There is something new in me, something deeper, something that has been changed by friendship and struggle. This is not about me, it is about loving each other. Please feel my heart in this. I plead with you all to carry one another's burden's as Christ carries ours. We need each other deeply.
I am so sorry for their loss, again, I wish I could do something make it all go away.
I am powerless and speechless. I love you guys and hurt for you.
IN LOVING MEMORY OF MICHAEL