Let me start with the realization of how real an old saying fit into those conversations. Most of you may have heard it said, "God in His wisdom gave us two ears and only one mouth. The reason He did so is that we should listen twice as much as we speak."
My role in both conversations was mostly that of being a listener. Both people had some difficulties they were sharing and I gave them all my attention so I could understand what they were saying. There were a few times I wanted to jump in and offer advice but for some reason, I held back and continued to just listen. Occasionally, I did ask a question here and there. We had a great time together and caught up on many things. As I look back, I would say that listening to the difficulty they were experiencing was the right thing for me to do. Thinking about all that, I put myself in their place and realized sometimes the best thing a friend can do for us is listen. Let me correct that, maybe most of the time the best thing we can do for a friend is listen. I know for me, most of the time, I just want to have someone listen, don't you?
Perhaps I have stumbled upon a simple truth; if they wanted help they most likely would ask, "What do you think?" Perhaps we can safely say, if we don't hear such a question, the best thing we can do for our friend is to not offer any unsolicited advice.
Coming to grips with that realization, I wondered why someone like myself, feels the need to offer advice or feel like I have to try and fix something. If I am honest, maybe I like being the fix it hero. Maybe we have this misplaced confidence that we are the keeper of all ancient wisdom. Maybe we are too insensitive to realize the person sitting across from us just wants to talk and really would just like to have someone listen.
You may be screaming at me, "I want to help because I care!" I feel the same way but maybe listening is helping. If we think about it, isn't the reality of such situations that people have to deal with and fix their own situations? There really is little we can do to fix anything for someone else. Over the years, I think I have given some "incredible" (haha) advice but I have never seen anyone jump up from the table, scream eureka and run off and do exactly what I have said. Maybe sometimes our advice helps set them on the course to where they need and want to be. What I am driving at is perhaps we need to understand when we need to just listen and wait to be invited in.
Are we egotistical to think we can walk in, sit down, listen for 30 minutes and solve a problem they may have been dealing with for days, weeks, months or even years? Do we know their heart and situation that well?
Most of the time, for me at least, solving things takes a fair amount of time. For me, talking about it helps me to find the answer that is already inside me. Hearing my thoughts out loud helps me find my way to the answer. If I were interrupted over and over with advice, I might never hear the answer inside I have been waiting for.
Sometimes, not always, caring for another person is just being there to listen. Sometimes it is listening twice as much as we speak. Sometimes our ears serve others better than our words. Being a good friend may sometimes mean simply being a good listener.