We talked about hobbies, work, life, family and all sorts of things. We talked about, in their case, a non bucket list (they are way too young for a bucket list). In our case it would definitely be a bucket list.
At one point we talked about friendships. It is funny that we all had similar feelings about friend relationships and the difficulties of gaining friends. Isn't it amazing that with decades between us we had the same experiences on that topic?
We have both found finding friends, in the sense of what friendship is thought of, difficult now days. I know that when I was in early high school, I was blessed to be part of a group of guys that were true blue. We were in it thick and thin, trouble or fun, busy or just sitting under a big shade tree all summer long. We did so many things together, it was crazy. We shared hopes and dreams with such excitement that we couldn't help but believe they would all come true. There was never a weekend that any one of us sat home alone. Some of us were even in each others weddings and had become almost family.
As I grew older, I again had some friends that shared in life as much as possible. Again, the sharing of hopes and dreams were a big part of those relationships. Later, I had the opportunity to move around the country a bit and have great diversity in my career. Again, I was blessed to have some great friends. Again, hopes and dreams were shared and even had the good fortune of still being together as some dreams came true.
As I reflect, I have some pretty good friends scattered all over the country. These are people that I would never think twice about picking up the phone and calling any time. I am confident that, even if it had been years, the voice at the other end would be excited to hear me and that conversation would pick up as if we had talked the day before.
I have a friend I used to work out with back in the very early 70's who has seen his dream come true and is now living in a log home in the woods in northern Michigan. I have another friend that I have taken a cross country road trip with and shared having kids and losing family members together. These two guys know me better than most and have been my longest friends. I have another friend who falls into that long time category. Years after becoming friends, we still talk nearly every day. Sometimes to share, sometimes to catch up, and sometimes to just blah blah about much of nothing. Getting a call of any kind is one of the best things ever.
I have friends in California and Wisconsin, Ohio, South Carolina, West Virginia and Georgia. Some of them are more casual and some of us are more deeply invested in each others lives than others. It is pretty amazing.
As we chatted with our neighbors the other night, we both shared that we wondered the same thing. Why don't people call anymore? It seems that the newer friends or acquaintances don't have the time and maybe even the interest to have meaningful relationships. Many of today's relationships seem to be superficial. Having moved around a bit in the last couple years, that has proven to be true. Once out of the area, they are never heard from again. Actually, even while still in the area some are not heard from.
Do you have the same sense that friendships are not what they used to be?
Maybe the good old friendship grew out of the ability or willingness to share those dreams and hopes and even hurts and disappointments. I know people today who, if you only listened to what they said, claim to be living the world's most perfect life. It is as if they think they will not measure up if life has not always gone their way. Maybe it is that they think we might think less of them. I guess if we can't be open and honest with each other, the ground work for a friendship might be pretty shaky. Good real friends want to be there for each other in good and bad times. I can't help but notice that my longest time friends are people who I have had those exchanges of hopes and dreams with. Today, I'll bet most of my newer friends have no idea of my hopes and dreams, nor I theirs.
I know that my old pals could, and would not be afraid, to tell me if I offended them. I also know that I would want them to because offending them would be the last thing I would ever want to do. I would feel horrible if I hurt them in any way and I am confident they would feel the same way.
My old friends never gave up on our growing relationship. They invested the time so that our relationship would grow. If we did have an issue, it was never reason enough to end the friendship. We cared enough about each other to keep on hanging out and giving our friendship the needed time to grow deeper.
Thinking back, I also remember that we always did what we said we would do. If we said we would be there to do this or that, we were there. It was a code of honor among friends. If we said we would call at 3:00, the phone rang at 3:00. If we said we would meet them at the burger place at noon, we would be there. Friendship was the most valuable thing we had then. Friendship was hard to come by so we treasured it as something we would not let fall away without giving it our very, very best.
I realize that we never took our friendship for granted. We always appreciated one another and still do. I know that if I needed help (and asked for some, even though guys never like to ask for help) any of those friends would be there. When one would help another, we never "owed" them and they never "owed" us. We did what we could to help as it was the code of friendship - no strings attached.
Why don't people call anymore? Why does it seem we have to make the call? Well, I don't really know. Maybe I am just not as much fun as I used to be. Maybe I have become grouchy and hard to get along with. Maybe they regularly use up all their minutes on their phones. Maybe people are just too busy. Maybe no one can afford the time to develop a relationship with someone who will have their back and always be there for them. Maybe people have just come to a place where they want to do it all themselves.
I don't know, but it sure seems life was a whole lot more fun back then. I love it when someone calls and says, "Hey I will be in the area, how about meeting for a beverage?" I love the opportunity to drop what I am doing and meet them. No task, chore, or high priority busyness is more fun than sharing time with another human, especially one I really enjoy.
Why doesn't the phone ring? I guess I can't answer that. What I can say is that friendships take time, openness, appreciation, respect, and desire to actually develop. Making that effort takes us to a place that you can call a friend from 30 or 40 years later and have the conversation feel like you talked yesterday. Being rich is having friends such as those. I would never trade any of those friends for any new fad that comes along. Real friends are rare, valuable, and uncommon. They are something that will never be forgotten or taken lightly.
So to all you out there who are my treasured friends, I love you and will always appreciate you taking the time so long ago to be my friend.